WTF is up, you're so EMO!

Damn, some shit is going on with Elyse and I. We are so not communicating, or I am anyway. There are some shit I can't put into a complete spoken thought. Weird. I think it's just her going out. I can tell she's just someone who will go to clubs and dance. Whatever, I've been there, with club girls, I PU them. Anyway, I guess she might be a club girl, don't know. Well, I only see her on certain days. If we are able to see each other, we should. I cancell plans or invite her to places. On days we can't see each other, if we both have plans, then all good, we can do our shit.

What, say we always have plans with some other thing, we won't see each other, only for a little bit, why should we see each other just a little? As if that's going to make my day alright.

I don't know, I'm not going to be a fucken controller though. I'll let her do her shit. I'll do mine. Like my days off. I don't have to see her. I can make my plans, and not see her. See if she'll be ok with that feeling. I'll do that not to be a dick, but to see how we would handle this.

Yeah, she can go out Friday and do her shit. I won't see her Saturday all day so I can do my shit. Maybe we can see each other Sunday. Don't know, it's laundry day. I'll do shit to my car. I'll go to the beach or something.

Anyway, worry is a dumb feeling. Just do my shit. Regardless. Be busy, do my shit.

Do my fucking goals. Do shit that makes me happy, that makes me want to live life!

Let's do this shit hard.

Shit

Ok, so we had some fucked up discussion about her fucking piercing in her chest. WTF! She knows I don't like it. I tell her she can do whatever she wants, I'll support her. I'll be in some negative state, cause well, it'll influence my state but I know I get final say if I do or not. But anyway, I don't like it, I haven't seen it. I'm not saying I don't approve it. I just don't like it. That's it. She can get it or not. But shit, I'm not going to draw attention to it.

How about I take my lip ring out? I don't need it. Fuck it. I don't know what to do or think.

She's so beautiful and can be so classy. Fuck it. It's alright. Fuck it fuck it fuck it. That's all I can say. My reality will not be effected.

That's it, shit, I don't know why my reframe and mind processing swayed away. I guess I'm happy this happened.

Image. It's all about image. It's whether you accept another person's image or not. Whether or not you get affected by other shit.

Oh well. I'm really thinking about taking my piercing out. Shit.

So stupid. I don't give a fuck. I don't have to acknowledge anything I don't want. I believe what I want. I do what I want. I won't be shaken by other realities. I don't even have to acknowledge other realities. I can just cut thread and idea.

Did this really happen.

For all of the time spent
and effort I put in
Do I really deserve this?
The first time I met you
that sunny afternoon
a relationship will take place

Now with all the things that I've been through was it worth it all
because I can't believe that this is real
But when I hold you tight and you look deep into my eyes
The words comes out my lips, repeats from you

Did this really happen
We're making future plans
Together forever, always
Late nights of thinking
of days when we'll be free
a thought that we'll have some day

Happiness you bring into my life I can't describe
Three words aren't enough for me to say
Lying on your bed, waking with you right by my side
Three words aren't enough for me to say

Thinking more

Ok, I want to sarge. I want to weight lift. I want to get my own place. I want to pimp car. I want to work less. I want more money.

I want to provide Elyse what she deserves.

I will get this done.

Shoots

Ok, been ok. I'm fucking burnt out from the ordinary life. Need a break.

Been with Elyse. I love her. My goal. I will get my own place. I will have Elyse live with me or get it settled when she can live with me, she can.

It's going so quick but that's cool.

I went to Norman's outing at Mai Tai's for his birthday. Man, I didn't even do any sets. I was actually scared. I was blinded by the stimuli, as if I was there for the first time. Sucks balls.

I do want to get back in the game but to just generate attraction and making friends. Weird. That would mean, I won't be able to work out. Shitty. I'll end up waking up at 10am every fucking day. No way, I'd want to workout.

Hmmm, I can't do some martial arts if I work this schedule. It means I need a different schedule or a different job. I hate my job. Same ol shit. Fuck that man. I need to do something else man. Lets do this man. Seriously.

Fuck, the thing that's in my way is work. Big time. I need to get out. I'll wait it out. I need side income. That way I can like, call in sick and shit from work and not give a fuck. We'll I would need a P1 type of schedule. Not fucking 5 am shit. Fuck that man. I won't have a night life.

So yeah, at least I'm done with work before 6pm. That's my goal in life if I have a job, to be done at 6pm.

I need to fucking get my own place. Less responsibility to take care of other shit and just mine. Fuck that team work shit.

Ok, so I need to get this done.

So working out, find side income, get my own place, be with Elyse, sarge

Get it fucking done Reian.

Rolling along...

Been working out, good so far. I haven't been sarging. Weak ass.

Dude, Rahn called. Funky. I want to hang out with her to see if she's a cool enough girl to make a friend but I'm not sure. I feel guilty if I did. I mean if my girl was out with a guy, I wouldn't like it. I trust Elyse but how would it feel if your girlfriend is out with a guy friend shopping, watching a movie, doing shit. Feels like shit.

I'll see. Rahn isn't a friend, a close friend. She was using me for rides and shit. Last time I was with her, she was just dating a bunch of guys. Fuck that.

Anyway, I want to sarge and teach it. That's it.

I need another income, I want to get my own place.

So what have I been up too...

I've been working like a motherfucker. Sucks ass man. I'm seriously getting drained from work. It's so boring. I just want to go through the motions. This would be a perfect day at work. Get there early, my patients are on early, have the switch over slow and easy. No low blood pressures. No one's coming off late. My patients come on time. I'm done with putting on my patients around 430pm. I have a slow take off. I'm done around 830.

That's it. Just cruz. Easy day.

I want to spend money. That's good shit. Who cares about saving money or wondering if something is to expensive or you don't have money to spoil your friends and family.

Anyway, I've been working out though it seems when it comes to the weekend, I don't work out cause I'm with Elyse and I'm drained to workout due to staying up late.

I need to be consistant man. Just hit the weights in the morning. And if I go out, stay up till midnight.

I've been spending time with Elyse on my days off. It's cool. I love her. I want our outings to be filled with adventure and fun. Not boring shit. Like Alas every fucking time. I need to have like a list of shit we can do.

I need to do some shit man.

Life is getting to lull. No plans, just living by whatever I feel like, which is good but I don't have the lifestyle to be so care free.

I need more money, more time.

My goal is to pick up a martial arts. Probably kickboxing or muy tai.

Wealth, Health, Love

I got my girl, I'm working on my health with working out, perhaps adding a martial arts and now wealth. I need more money man. A side income besides my fucking 401k.

I guess gambling was one idea but I don't know yet. I want a business. Maybe detailing. Would be cool. But time is the killer. A new interest means something is put on the side. Unless it's once a week. Or get a higher paying job.

I also want to go out. I have to make days where I will sarge regardless. Like a split in working out. Sucks ass. What is my priority. Sarge 3 days maybe. Workout 4 days, party 3. Good stuff. Sounds good. Need to figure it out.

Money, that's it right now. I could teach guys how to pick up. Would be cool.

Ok, need to figure this out.